Torn.

Hello Friends,

It has been far too long since I have been here.  Since I was on here posting a little shout out to my all star, seven-year-old nephew, I thought I’d hit up another post, as well.  

I had a good thing happen today, but I guess I should probably share a little background info first….

When I got home from my winter trip to North Dakota in March I had a cardiac check-up.  Turns out while I was in ND, my cardiologist found a surgeon that was willing to proceed with the infamous heart surgery.  To be honest, I was more interested in figuring out the source for some pretty radical (aka: extremely painful) chest pains I had several times while in ND.  Needless to say, (as typical with my health) it’s a mystery as to why/where these pains came from, but I haven’t had them since.  {PTL!}  I was certain that the CT results would show that something ripped through my chest, but to my surprise that was not the case and to my delight there was very LITTLE change in the aneurisms.  Anyway, when my cardiologist presented the news of the willing surgeon I was sort of blindsided and more confused than thrilled.  My first thought was that the risk is still the same – so why now – out of the blue – is there a surgeon that has agreed to do the surgery?  Why?  I was really confused and didn’t really know what to do.  So, after a few months of mulling it over and praying about it I had unofficially decided to just be and not do the surgery (at this time).  It’s difficult to be 100% with either option – surgery or no surgery – both options carry pretty fierce consequences.  Or not.

So, today a cool thing happened.  I went into the heart and lung clinic for routine blood work and ran into my cardiologist in the hallway.  He asked me if I had made a final decision and I said that I had decided not to do surgery right now.  Then I asked him his opinion (keep in mind that he has always been pro surgery – sooner the better) and he said he was torn.  I asked him (again) if the risk is the same and he said it the risk is the same – and that’s why he is torn, as well.  Then he said that he thinks I am making the right choice and that I should have a great summer and maybe revisit the options in the autumn.  

This brief conversation was just the closure I needed.  The past month I’ve been working on making some big changes – hopefully positive changes in my life.  I have switched up my meds, gone off four meds, and am generally feeling better {mentally, emotionally & physically}.  There will always be challenging days, but maybe they won’t be as frequent as they have been the past two years.  I can’t believe all of the major things that have happened {in my health alone} in the past two years.  I’m so thankful to be on this side of things.  Sooo thankful.